One year sober from alcohol. 365 days of making a conscious choice to be better for myself and the people who depend on me. To be honest, the time went by quickly. Most of the time, making this choice didn’t feel incredibly difficult. The reason: I built the right community, and I chose a life that makes me happy.
In my graduate studies, I wrote my thesis on opioid addiction, its history, and harm reduction that actually works. While I didn’t choose sobriety then, I came to the same conclusion I have after a year of saying no to alcohol: so much addiction in this country comes from deep dissatisfaction with our lives.
I drank because I was uncomfortable in social dynamics without an edge. I drank because intimacy was challenging for me without loosening up. I drank because I had traumatic experiences I wanted to chase out. I drank because I wanted to have fun with my friends and connect. I was dissatisfied with the experiences I was choosing in my life without the help of alcohol. My answer? Choosing different people. Choosing different experiences. Choosing healing.
I think a scary part of facing your demons is deciding what life it is you DO want. Anyone can live a life they’ve been given or told to live. Who dares to have the courage to build the life of their dreams? I do. This life has been years in the making, thanks to intense shadow work, microdosing, and the help of countless women who inspired me along the way.
Becoming firm on my true desires and purpose has meant I can show up sober in my life. I’m scared, but I’m moving forward anyways. After burning my life to the ground every three or so years, I love myself enough to make different choices this time. I know what I want, and I’m claiming it.
On a more serious note, sobriety is hard. It can be devastatingly lonely. I’m working on coordinating a sober/sober curious hang out once a month or every couple of weeks to launch in the summer. I could use some more intentionally sober community. If you’re struggling, know you’re not alone. And you are NOT powerless.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading. If you’ve been apart of this journey, thank you for hanging in there with me. I’m really proud of myself. Coming up on 30, and I’m finally in love with who I see in the mirror.
Happy one year of sobriety to myself 🫶🏼 here’s to many more 🥂
Courtney 